The Skills of Encouragement

 

The Skills of Encouragement

Bringing out the Best in Yourself and Others

Dr. Don DINKMAYER

Dr. Lewis LOSONCY

The Skill and Process of Getting High on Yourself

1.       1-   Listen and attend to others.  When you are in contact with them, stop your preoccupation with what you are doing.  Listen and be in a position to hear the whole message.

2.       2-     Before you talk with others, clarify the message they have sent to you. “I hear what you are saying, feeling, etc.”

3.       3-     Use put-ups instead of put-downs.  What are somethings  you could do to help build the other person’s self-esteem.  What could you say that is positive?

4.       4-      Respond reflectively, while continuing to stay with the other person’s feelings.

5.       5-     Look for similarities.  What do the two of you have in common?  Where are some places you can universalize?

6.       6-     Give them feedback on how they are coming across to you.

7.       7-     Encourage them for their strengths and not their perfections.

8.        8-    Help them to see perceptual alternatives or more positive, effective ways they can look at the world(page 31).

 

 Listening involves giving your full attention to the person you are with.  It involves not only the content but the feelings, beliefs, and attitudes.  The skilled listener then moves to communicating the beliefs, feelings, and attitudes that he or she is hearing.  Through the simple process of listening, being heard, and processing feedback, the other pserson starts to feel encouraged and valued (page 36).